Step Forty-Eight

How do I learn to love myself?

Step 48. True Instruction Is Available To Me.

True instruction is available. It has been waiting for you to reach the point of maturity where you realize its necessity in your life. This engenders true motivation for learning. It is born of recognizing your limitations in light of that which is your true need. You must love yourself to become a student of Knowledge and continually love yourself to proceed. There is no other obstacle to learning but this. Without love there is fear, for nothing else can replace love. But love has not been replaced, and true assistance is available to you.

In your two meditation practices today, attempt to feel the presence of that true assistance. In stillness and in silence, feel this within your life and around you. These meditation practices will begin to open a greater sensitivity within you, a whole new sense. You will begin to discern things that are present, even though you cannot see them. You will be able to respond to ideas and information, even though you cannot hear the source of the message yet. This is the actual process in creative thinking, for people receive ideas; they do not create them. You are part of a greater life. Your personal life is the vehicle for its expression. Your individuality, then, becomes more highly cultivated and more joyful, a prison no longer for you, but the form of your joyful expression.

True assistance is available to you. Practice this day feeling its abiding presence in your life.

Practice 48: Two 30-minute practice periods.

Here you will find the entire book free for download http://stepstoknowledge.com/

Here you will find pointers for getting started if this is your first encounter with this practice: Taking the Steps to Knowledge.

December 26, 2012 Round One: I am consciously aware of this assistance today, I say “consciously” because it has come to my full awareness and is no longer just something I am vaguely aware of somewhere in the back of my mind. It is coming to full blossom. And, indeed, I do not create ideas, I receive them. But to receive them, I need to be prepared, I need to be aware and open to receive, ready and willing to receive the assistance offered, tap into its deep well.

"Your personal life is the vehicle for its expression."

Yes!!

August 18, 2014 Round Two: First practice – I do feel that I receive messages, I do not create them for myself, since many of the messages that come to me defy all logic, or what might be described as “the normal way of thinking.” They come from somewhere beyond my mind, beyond my surface mind, my personal mind. They come from a deeper source that is always there, always available if I am open and willing to receive what it offers. True assistance is available to me, of this I have no doubt.

Second practice – I find it interesting that this Step talks about needing to love myself to be a student of Knowledge. This is the first Step that uses these words. And this phrase is only mentioned one more time in all of Steps, and not until Step 314. Loving oneself is a fundamental part of any spiritual pursuit, for there is a basic understanding that I cannot love anyone else if I do not love myself. But I wonder if I do indeed love myself? I think I do, I think I must if I have made it this far. But do I really? I believe I am worthy of God’s love, so that seems like a good place to start.

There is a great sense of freedom in embracing the thought that my individuality is no longer a prison for me, but a form of joyful expression. I need not be bound by what society dictates, by other people’s opinions, or by what is publically accepted and not accepted. I can step beyond the confines of what appears to be the accepted way of doing things and thinking and go with what feels true to me inside. I can be a joyful expression of a Greater Reality.

P.S. Today, February 17, 2017, as I return to this Step, I can say beyond a shadow of a doubt that I do indeed love myself. I have reached a state of acceptance and appreciation of myself just the way I am.

August 4, 2018 Round Three: This Step follows on from yesterday’s. I am to accept and follow true instruction, true assistance in my life. And this true assistance comes from Knowledge. It is Knowledge that plants ideas and information in my mind. I do not conjure things up or create my own ideas. This is in line with what Hilary and I were talking about yesterday. Her Rose Cottage, my visions of my country house, my feelings about Michael and him finding a girl to love him for who he is and they having a daughter who will play an important role in my life. I will help to raise her in the spirit of Knowledge.

Also the mention in this Step of opening up to a greater sensitivity within me, being able to discern, receive information and ideas and respond to them even though I cannot hear their source yet. But maybe I can. The source is Knowledge. And I can distinguish this from my own ideas. The source is my Teachers, and they are providing me with true instruction. This is why I need them. I need to trust the ideas I get that don’t leave me, even though they may not have manifested yet.

First 30-min practice - greenhouse 4.57-5.27. My phone discharged, so I was thinking about the time and how I would know when the 30 minutes were up. I turned on my phone again at 5.21 with 6 minutes to go. I could hear Volodya turning over in bed. I was distracted a lot, but I did manage some minutes in Stillness, in the realm of Knowledge. I did not receive any insights though. I did not hear what I am ready to hear. Masha was curled on my lap.

Second 30-min practice - resting after lunch. I tried a couple of times, but dozed off. Not a deep practice.

P.S. I return to this Step on February 17, 2020. Are the messages I hear now prompted by Knowledge? Will I have the money this year to finish building my house? Will Marshall come?