Step One Hundred and Twenty-Seven
Therefore, accept that you have lost the battle against God. In your defeat is your greatest victory, for God has never lost you, though you have lost God temporarily in your imagination. Your love for God is so profound that you are as yet afraid of it, for it represents the greatest power within you that you can possibly possess. You must learn of this through direct experience. Therefore, do not try to get even with God today by reinforcing an idea about yourself based solely upon error and assumption, for Knowledge is with you. You are the happy victor in your own defeat.
In your two practice periods today, repeat this idea and then attempt to think about it. Our practices today will be engaging the mind in exploration and analysis. This is a useful application of your mind. Think about this message and all of your ideas surrounding it, and you will begin to understand your own current belief system. You will be able to understand this objectively. Then, you will be able to work with it, for the mind is fixed in a certain structure until it is utilized for other purposes. Do not accept this structure as your reality, for the outward manifestation of your mind is a structure that you have imposed upon it. Yet, its real inward harmony and nature seek only to be expressed. To enable this to happen you must have an adequate structure in the mind to enable the mind to express itself in the physical world without restraint or distortion. It is towards this, then, that we will work today.
Practice 127: Two 30-minute practice periods.
I have always known that I am my own worst enemy and this Step reiterates it. And I take great comfort and encouragement in the fact that “God understands [my] relationships as they truly exist and understands their greater promise as well.” This is something to embrace and nurture.
It is interesting though that the word “God” is used so often in this Step. It is used previously in the Steps, but not in such a personal way or so abundantly. To me the very concept of “getting even” implies a personal target, you “get even” with “someone.” However, I have long discarded the image of God as a person or individual, so the very idea of “getting even with God,” not to mention fighting a battle against God, is alien to me and sort of contradictory. As I practice Steps, I am increasingly using the word “Knowledge” to stand for “God,” they are becoming synonyms... (this is still open-ended).
P.S. Today is Sunday May 7, 2017. My understanding of God has expanded. Knowledge is the deeper mind that God has placed within me, so God is greater than Knowledge, although an integral part. Knowledge is the part of God I carry within me, given to me by God, the Source of All There Is. Knowledge is a God-given tool to guide me through life. God has given me all I could ever ask for, so it makes no sense to "get even with God," for God has given me everything I could ever want.
"As your mind begins to serve Spirit, it increasingly will know what to do, and it will learn how to manage itself in relationships. It will learn how to discern others and their motives. This will lead you to those individuals who are essential for your purpose and progress, and it will take you away from divisive engagements with those who are not. It will heal the need for pain. And it will heighten your capacity for joy."I am trusting this and encouraged that my mind will learn how to manage itself in relationships as it begins to serve Spirit.